Bob & Edie

Before experiencing his first stroke aged 75, Bob describes a life that was full, active, and always moving forward. “I retired quite early,” he says. “I was a helicopter pilot in the Navy.” He talks about his time serving overseas with a sense of pride and reflection. “I served out in the Far East… I spent time in Borneo and places like that in the 1960s.”

After leaving the Navy, Bob continued flying as a pilot, a role that kept him connected to travel and independence. Alongside his career, Bob was heavily involved in sport. “Rugby was a big thing for me,” he explains. “I played from when I was about ten until I was forty. I was a captain at York Rugby club in 1971-2.”

Bob’s wife, Edie, reflects on this time as one filled with shared experiences. “We were always doing something,” she says. “Cycling 400 miles a week, playing tennis, going on walking holidays, travelling. It was very active.” They both enjoyed the hustle and bustle of life and looked forward to exciting plans for the future.

When everything changed
For the happy couple, life changed suddenly when Bob suffered a series of serious health events, including heart attacks and strokes.

“The first stroke affected my sight and memory a bit,” he says, “but I could still speak.” It was the second stroke, 10 years later, that had a very different impact. “After the second stroke, I lost my voice,” Bob says. “I couldn’t speak at all.”

Edie recalls the moment everything shifted. “It came after complications with a pacemaker operation, which led to further medical intervention and a difficult recovery. After that, he couldn’t speak properly.” In the days and weeks that followed, communication at home changed completely. Bob was later diagnosed with aphasia, a condition Bob and Edie had never heard of.

Life after stroke
For Bob, living with aphasia felt disorientating and frustrating. He describes knowing exactly what he wanted to say but being unable to get the words out. “My brain was there,” he says. “But the words… they wouldn’t come out.” In the early stages, Bob’s speech was extremely limited. “I couldn’t speak at all,” he says. “Not at the beginning.” The stroke caused muscle weakness in his hand and face, which only added to his struggles.

When Bob left hospital, there was a period of uncertainty. “We didn’t really understand what aphasia was, so we didn’t know what recovery might look like in everyday life” Edie says, as she reflects on this time as disorientating and isolating. “It felt like coming out of hospital, there was nothing… like a bridge to nowhere. You get on that bridge, and nobody is there. But Aphasia Support gave us a way to get off that bridge, and their support has brightened our lives.”  

Finding Aphasia Support’s Communication Group in York
A turning point came when Bob and Edie were introduced to Aphasia Support’s Communication Group in York. “We got in touch with Aphasia Support, and everything changed from there,” Edie says. For Bob, attending the group gave him something important back - feeling like himself again. “It was good to meet other people,” he says. “People who understood. It made such a difference being in a place where people just got it.”

Rebuilding communication
At the group, Bob began to rebuild his confidence in communication through supported conversation, repetition, and structured activities. He describes it simply. “We do exercises,” he says. “We practise speaking every day.” Over time, this approach has also shaped how communication works at home.

Edie explains how they have adapted together. At first, she described aphasia to be “like having a plug socket and a plug, but nobody knows how to put it together. You’re constantly trying to make a connection that sparks a response.” Being so in-tune with Bob, Edie’s instinct was to help fill in the gaps or finish the sentence. Through attending the Communication Group, she learnt the power of patience, and how helpful it can be to slow things down. “When you’re married to someone, you know what they’re thinking. But I had to learn not to speak for Bob,” she says. “We use cues now, and we give him time.” Bob reflects on this gradual progress. “Words are still in there,” he says. “They just come out differently now.”

Understanding aphasia
One of the ongoing challenges for Bob is how aphasia is misunderstood by others. Although he knows what he wants to say, he is often aware that people may misinterpret his difficulty with speech. “I understand everything,” he says. “But I can’t always say it. People don’t realise that my intelligence hasn’t changed.”

“The word ‘aphasia’ itself sounds very medical. We’ve found that lots of healthcare professionals don’t know what it is, never mind the general public,” Edie says. Bob quickly agreed. “It’s easier to say ‘I can’t speak well’ than say ‘I have aphasia’ – to most people, aphasia often doesn’t mean anything.”

They both feel it’s important for people to know that “losing your speech is a hidden disability,” that comes with lots of anxiety. “What if Bob is on his own and something happens? He can’t talk, so he can’t describe what’s wrong or ask for help. People often presume he has dementia, but it’s actually aphasia. It’s heartbreaking and can make life very isolating.”

The impact of the group
Despite the challenges, the Communication Group has become an important part of their lives. For Bob, it provides structure, routine, and social connection. “It’s nice to get out,” he says. “It’s good for me to talk to other people. The group has been kind to us. I’ve made great friends.” Regular meet-ups give Bob a safe space where communication feels easier and more supported. “It helps me speak more, even if it’s slow” he says. “It’s a special connection between people.” For Edie, the impact has been equally significant. “It’s given us confidence again, and friendship,” she says.

Bob and Edie have taken the phrase ‘practice makes perfect’ and put it to the test. They use an iPad with bespoke therapy apps to help Bob practice his communication skills. “We do an awful lot of Cuespeak and also use Tactus Therapy, often practicing an hour a day.” Edie shares: “Having a ‘glass half full’ personality helps Bob tremendously. It helps me too. Having a positive mental attitude is infectious.” 

Looking ahead
When asked what life would be like without the group, Edie is clear. “We’d be lost without it,” she says. Bob agrees in his own way. “I like going,” he says. “I feel better after.”

“It’s not just communication practice,” Edie says. “It’s connection. It’s understanding. It’s life again. We feel like we’ve hit the jackpot with Aphasia Support. It’s the equivalent of winning a million pounds because it’s given us the opportunity to learn.”

Bob and Edie’s story highlights the profound impact that stroke and aphasia can have on communication, identity, and daily life. It also emphasises how long-term, community-based support is a lifeline for so many. They both reflect, “You don’t realise how much you rely on communication until it changes.” Thanks to Karen, Steve and the wonderful volunteers supporting York’s Communication Group, Bob proudly says, “I’m getting better.”

If you'd like to hear more about our York Aphasia Café, or discover group support local to you, please click here to view our current locations or get in touch with our team by calling 0300 102 3500.